I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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