Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
