best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
