where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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