You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
