I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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