New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
