I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
