He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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