Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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