the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
