Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
