Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
