last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
