I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
