I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Randomize
