Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
