HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
