It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
