after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
