Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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