I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
