What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
