There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
