guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
