why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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