thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
