So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
