You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
