I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
