Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
