I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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