went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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