Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
