I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
