I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
