I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
