but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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