the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
