rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
