but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
