I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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