I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
