pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
