dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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