piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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