so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
