Kiss
Puke
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
