Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
