Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
